Posted in Life Lessons, Random thought, The Happiness Project

Happy New Year!

How did this year treat you? 

This year was way too much for me. I don’t know if 2017 is going to bring any good, but I can’t wait for this year to be over. It wasn’t completely bad though…. Lets summarize some facts…

  • Bad: I was laid off with 20 other employees. I am trying my best to get another job but after 8 months, I haven’t gotten even a phone call.
  • Good: I traveled four times this year. Went to Toronto twice and went to US twice. Best year on this point. I also had my proper first honeymoon with my husband this year after six years of marriage.
  • Bad: This year was worst for my marriage. We had the biggest fight in our history. Almost called off the marriage. The worst part is, it was not only between us anymore. We involved our families.
  • Good: From the fight I learned a lot. May be this fight made me realize why having a baby is important for a family. I don’t know if it was the fight or something else, but during last few months the feeling of “I want to be a mother someday” really grown inside me. I also felt that my husband has also developed this feeling. He even told me once that he feels good talking about babies. Very unlikely for him! Because after I got married to him, he told me he doesn’t want babies. I didn’t bother that time because either I knew this thought will change with time or I just didn’t care because I didn’t know when I want babies. Surely, it grew together inside us with time, which is a good thing.
  • Bad: I hurt my parents and his parents by sharing some personal issues. I hate myself for that. I hate this year solely for this reason. But I was broken. I didn’t know what to do. I was so broke and vulnerable that day, even before realizing what I was doing, I shared my condition with my family. It was a mistake. Before that day, my family knew I was happily married and really happy with my life. That day they realized I was struggling in my marriage, suffering from depression and going through therapies. I hate myself. I hate myself so much for that. By sharing my issues with my family I gave my parents huge nightmare and unbearable tension, which will never go away. May be every time they will see us, they will think, am I happy? Is their daughter happy?
  • Good: I got to see my parents this year.
  • Bad: I was under terrible depression this year. I was completely broken. I tried my best to hide it from everyone, specially from my husband. But as I told earlier, couldn’t hold myself one day, but other days I fought my best to deal with it. I went to therapy twice. It didn’t help. I couldn’t tell my psychologist what was really bothering me. My “I don’t like to share my personal things with anyone” mode was on during the sessions. I realized it is me who need to act for my own happiness. I tried many things to bring myself together, and to control my emotions. I failed. I never thought I could be crushed like that.
  • Good: I found this beautiful platform to share my thoughts and my emotions without the fear that someone will judge me or my life. Every time I was feeling depressed or down, I took my phone and started to write something. I never realized before how much some supportive and inspiring comments can help. I felt so good, so confident and so positive with your comments, and with your love my dear followers, you have no idea.

Thank you so much friends, and thank you WordPress. You are the reason I have hope for next year. You all gave me mental support, good vibe and confidence to hold on and to stay strong, either by sharing your life stories, or reading about mine.

Day 53 of 100 Happy Days: To my all followers who helped me a lot this year and I know, will be there in the next.

My lazy NYE!