Posted in marriage, Uncategorized

To have a baby or not?

A few years back I often thought why people do have babies? My husband absolutely doesn’t want any kids (ever), and I am “not right now, maybe later” type of person. So when I asked random people why they wanted kids, they had different perspectives, some were cute, some were somewhat selfish. Some of them wanted to have babies because they were already in their 30s and time was running out, some of them said they like to spend time with kids and they need babies to pass good times or just wanted to start a family because that’s “normal”. On the other hand, some people said they want babies as they need someone to take care of them when they will be old or some people had babies just as a try to save their marriages.

That time I realized I don’t actually have a valid reason to have kids, maybe that’s why I didn’t want to have kids. So I wondered when the time will come, what could be my reason?

Now I want kids and I know my reason…..

My husband and I are having a hard time in our relationship. We moved to Ontario last year but my husband is not being able to adjust here and he is not even trying. He wants me to leave my engineering job, go back with him to Newfoundland and work in a call center. Weird thing is, he wants me to go back with him but he is also implying that he won’t take my or our family’s responsibility. I am requesting, validating, trying to talk, discuss and communicate but he is extremely stubborn and depressed. The reason he gives is, in the big cities there is no peace, he has his peace near the Atlantic Ocean. He is absolutely not considering that we moved in the first place because we both had no study-related jobs and career perspective there. He just wants his peace back.

I am not an “arguing” person. I never want to go to that direction. But his constant nagging and whining made me realized that maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday it would be impossible for us to live together. What am I gonna do then? Be alone for the rest of my life? Maybe that’s why I need a baby. Everyone needs something in their life to inspire them.

The other day I couldn’t hold myself and shared with my parents regarding what’s going on. Surprisingly, my dad wants me to go back home as I am young and smart, and I really don’t need to suffer like this. My mom is a positive person. So she said maybe a baby can solve all the problems. I laughed, no, a baby can make things worse. My husband is not being able to handle “relocation”. Having a baby is a huge milestone that I wonder if my husband will be able to handle.

Bottomline, yes I want kids, not for us, but for myself. Do you think it is a good idea?

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Author:

Hello! I am Samantha Cara. An ordinary South Asian girl, now living in Canada. This blog is my initial step to keep my stories in one place, my favorite recipes, weight loss tips, movies and books review, and lot more (not sure what else, will figure that out!)....

9 thoughts on “To have a baby or not?

    1. Thanks Mitch. I understand that too. But I was thinking after 8 years of marriage, I should get something for myself too! Maybe it’s all emotional thought, but to be honest only thinking about a baby makes me feel better, although I know this is not the right time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It may just be semantics, Samantha, but your words “something for myself” in reference to a baby concern me. A licensed counselor would advise you to work through your marriage issues first. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but a baby is not a consolation prize, it’s a human being who deserves to be raised under the right circumstances.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m sorry to hear about you and your husband. Marriage is indeed not that easy to keep. However, I believe it’ll be okay as long as you both want it. A baby is definitely not a solution. A lot of marriages end in divorce even when they have children. If you really think you need a baby for yourself, prepare yourself for whatever results/consequences coming your way. Babies are great, but then again they aren’t (always) the answers to any problems.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Sheryl. I understand, but sometime I am just not sure if we both are in the same page or not. And that scares me. I hope and pray he will understand the situation and things will get better.

      About babies, you are right. I need to have a lot of courage to face all the consequences. I am not sure if I am that strong.

      Like

      1. True Sheryl. But he is not very open with conversation. It is extremely hard to communicate with him. He is the elder child in his family, so he was brought up like, everything he says and does is right. He acts same way towards me and everyone else. It’s hard to make him understand if he is wrong about something. I am trying for so many years but yet to find a best way to communicate.

        Also, I think I have a submissive characteristic which is eventually not good for a relationship. I fear that we will fight so I don’t go to any argument. I accept/agree on almost everything he says. When I don’t agree on something he tries to make me agree on that. So I think I am equally responsible. I have decided that I will open up more without thinking too much about his response. It’s important for me and for our relationship.

        Like

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