Posted in Random thought

A date with myself

It’s been a while since my last post! So many stories to tell! 

Just a treat to myself to say goodbye to my last few months single life! 

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Posted in Random thought, The Happiness Project

Going to Toronto Tonight

​I got a call on Friday from Toronto for an interview on Monday. I didn’t know what to do so I called my husband and he suggested to go to Toronto immediately and face the interview. 

I am trying to get a job for last 8 months in this province. But the oil price drop took my job and also took the stability of the province. There is no job opening for entry level or intermediate level engineers in oil industry. My husband keep telling me to look for jobs in Toronto despite of the fact that he hates busy and big cities. So I started to look for jobs in Toronto. Our plan is, if I get a job there, my husband will quit his job and move with me, and he will look for another job in Toronto. The plan is good….   

I should be happy or little bit excited that finally I got a call. But all of a sudden, I’m confused and I’m sad. I even don’t know what should I do or what I want. Going to Toronto and staying with my sister for few days is not an issue. But the idea of moving to another province freaks me out. Even in the best case scenario, if I get a job, my husband will quit his well-stablished job for me. The idea is even stressfull to think about. But here is the thing. He told me few times that he doesn’t like his accounting job. He would like to get a job related to his master’s degree, which he has been trying to get for last four years. But for the economy, he didn’t get what he wanted in our province. So he became an accountant instead. 

But then again, after trying for so long I think he is confused and demotivated to go to a new place and start over. I know he has the ability and quality to get his dream job, but he is confused. He keeps saying about the competition in Ontario against an opening. I know. But I want him to try. I don’t want him to get demotivated before even trying.

When I was leaving home for the airport I couldn’t stop crying while saying him good bye. I cried whole time at the airport. And I’m crying now, up in the air. 

This is supposed to be a normal/common situation where someone moves to the other province to look for work. But I’m not getting the situation and it is being hard for me to accept. Before boarding on the plane, I kept thinking about going back home. May be I will take a taxi to go home, ring the doorbell and when he will open the door, I’ll say “I don’t want to do this. I want to stay here. If I can’t get an engineering job, I’ll do any part time work. That’s not a big deal.”

I’m only going for a month. It’s really not a big deal. But the whole idea of the moving, the change, the struggle, all over again??!! That scares me! May be we are better here. He will keep doing the job he doesn’t like that much and I will do something or will be a homemaker. I will be happy. 

Then I think about my parents. When I got admission to Bangladesh’s best university, after going through a hard core addmission test, they were so happy!!! My mom was literally jumping on the floor, and my dad? I never in my life have seen him this much happy. I passed engineering school with good marks, applied US universities to do my masters, and got admission letter from University of Houston. Then all of a sudden I met him through my parents. It was an arranged marriage proposal. He was leaving for his masters in Canada, so we got married real fast (within two weeks). After he left, I turned down my UH admission. I told my parents I can’t do this. I can’t go to US to follow my dreams while my other half is staying in Canada. So I applied the same university as his in this province, got admission with really good scholarship. My parents were not completely satisfied about the idea. They were saying two years will go really fast, you wouldn’t even realize. But my marraige was arranged and I wanted to know my husband. I can’t do that while being in two different countries. My parents understood what I had to say and then they supported my decision. They were happy for me. 

Today, after 6 years of happy marriage, I am going to another province to look for job and the idea of staying away from him still scares me…. 

I have no idea what plan life has for me, for us… I don’t know whatever I want if that’s best for us. Leaving a loving small city and moving to Toronto can be better or can be worse. What should I do? 

Day 68 of 100 Happy Days:

Seeing my two nieces is a real happy moment for me.

Posted in Random thought, The Happiness Project

Attack Back The Anxiety Attack

Day 65 of 100 Happy Days:

Did this ever happen to you? You started to feel anxious or over stress about something, something nearly silly, not too serious to worry about? May be about something which is never going to happen or a far-fetched thinking? But you still feel the pressure and you keep thinking about the issue? After a certain point the anxiety becomes so high that you feel you are having hard time breathing or it’s being tough to stand still? So you lay down in bed and give your anxiety a platform and space to grow and attack you more??

It happens to me. Sometimes when it happens, I realize that it is  going out of hand, but still I don’t make any effort to stop it or ignore it. Instead I put a lot of spices in my thinking and get over stressed. Then I either start crying or feel completely blank.  I used to experience this much more few months back. The frequency is much less now. I am trying to control my feeling and anxiety with many different ways.

One of my ways is to think about the situation in a different way. In a humorous way. Off course it doesn’t work in every case, but if the situation is not dangerous or grievous,  this can work. I try to find something funny about the situation or try to make fun about the whole situation, then end up laughing or making people laugh.

So last night I was feeling over stress about my over stressing habit, and to control this, I went through some funny cartoons/memes from my collection about anxiety and started to laugh afterwords. Here are some of them…

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And finally…..