Posted in Uncategorized

Will be back…. soon

A piece of me died somewhere between Atlantic Ocean and Lake Ontario. My heart was shattered into million pieces somewhere in the sky when I was leaving Newfoundland. The relationship between me and my husband was fading somewhere far when he was coming to me here in Toronto. Now I feel dead inside. He feels empty too, I can tell. Was it only because we left Newfoundland for work? For a better life? I am so clueless. The only reason I can find to live is my son. Yes, I have a son. He is one year old now.

Posted in marriage, Uncategorized

To have a baby or not?

A few years back I often thought why people do have babies? My husband absolutely doesn’t want any kids (ever), and I am “not right now, maybe later” type of person. So when I asked random people why they wanted kids, they had different perspectives, some were cute, some were somewhat selfish. Some of them wanted to have babies because they were already in their 30s and time was running out, some of them said they like to spend time with kids and they need babies to pass good times or just wanted to start a family because that’s “normal”. On the other hand, some people said they want babies as they need someone to take care of them when they will be old or some people had babies just as a try to save their marriages.

That time I realized I don’t actually have a valid reason to have kids, maybe that’s why I didn’t want to have kids. So I wondered when the time will come, what could be my reason?

Now I want kids and I know my reason…..

My husband and I are having a hard time in our relationship. We moved to Ontario last year but my husband is not being able to adjust here and he is not even trying. He wants me to leave my engineering job, go back with him to Newfoundland and work in a call center. Weird thing is, he wants me to go back with him but he is also implying that he won’t take my or our family’s responsibility. I am requesting, validating, trying to talk, discuss and communicate but he is extremely stubborn and depressed. The reason he gives is, in the big cities there is no peace, he has his peace near the Atlantic Ocean. He is absolutely not considering that we moved in the first place because we both had no study-related jobs and career perspective there. He just wants his peace back.

I am not an “arguing” person. I never want to go to that direction. But his constant nagging and whining made me realized that maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday it would be impossible for us to live together. What am I gonna do then? Be alone for the rest of my life? Maybe that’s why I need a baby. Everyone needs something in their life to inspire them.

The other day I couldn’t hold myself and shared with my parents regarding what’s going on. Surprisingly, my dad wants me to go back home as I am young and smart, and I really don’t need to suffer like this. My mom is a positive person. So she said maybe a baby can solve all the problems. I laughed, no, a baby can make things worse. My husband is not being able to handle “relocation”. Having a baby is a huge milestone that I wonder if my husband will be able to handle.

Bottomline, yes I want kids, not for us, but for myself. Do you think it is a good idea?

Posted in Uncategorized

Valentine’s Day?! Huh?!

Day 98 of 100 Happy Days:

My last year’s post on Valentine’s day. This year we are not even in the same city! 

Well… That really doesn’t matter. Yesterday I told him that every night is a date night as long as we are having dinner together, we are happy and enjoying each other company! 

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A Good Friend is always a blessing

Day 49 of 100 Happy Days: 

Today one of my close friends called me and told me that she is getting married. She also said that I am the only friend she is sharing the news with. I know that she doesn’t like to share her personal life with too many people. But for some reason we are very close and always end up sharing our deepest thoughts which we don’t share with anyone else. I’m so happy for her!


Friendship is one of the most beautiful things in this world. Something so valuable that we should thank God regularly for getting a good friend. This year, however, I have lost few of my closest friends from my heart, including my best friend’s. Their behavior hurt me so much that I decided that I won’t care about them anymore. This is a hard practice, to not care about someone close. But I am tired. Tired of feeling sad and ignored. So, this is one of my new years resolution: I won’t care about someone if they don’t care about me.